What does it mean to judge somebody?
If a person is stealing for instance, is it judging to say that he is wrong to steal. If a person engages in a sexual relationship with someone other than their spouse, is it judging to say that he is committing adultery.Do my own actions and personal sins make it so that I am not allowed to make a judgement call on what is right or wrong in these areas? I have never actually committed adultery, but I have certainly lusted after someone other then my spouse. I have certainly stolen before. Do I have the right to point their sins out then?What are the prerequisites for engaging somebody about their sin?
My wife thinks that it is not my place to confront sin in people that I have no relationship with. More and more I am beginning to see this as true. I would be quite put out if a stranger, or even someone I know but am not close to, called me out on my sins. I would think them presumptuous to approach me. I believe I would feel that they were being self righteous. I understand that these feelings might not be an indication of reality, but the perception of judgement would certainly be real.
When I don't have a meaningful relationship with someone, all I can do is judge their actions. I can not judge what is going on inside their minds. I do not know the struggles that they face. I don't know the pain that they carry around within themselves. I can see that it could be cruel to try and convict someone of their sin when you don't have the whole story. C.S. Lewis says that we can only judge people by their external actions. Only God can judge people for their moral choices. What he means is that we have know way of knowing what is going on in the mind of any individual or how much self control he is exhibiting in any given situation. A man perverted by his circumstances to believe that cruelty is fine might be exercising super natural restraint when he shows the slightest kindness or stops himself from some cruelty that he would have otherwise have committed. God alone is the final judge of this mans soul.
But if you have a close intimate relationship with someone, you have a window into their soul. They have let you see them for who they are and you are able to discern better what is going on inside. It works both ways because they are able to discern your choices as well. You can hold each other accountable. But the close relationship removes the feelings of being judged and replaces them with the feelings of being loved.
To be clear actions are still right or wrong, good or bad. But it is not my job to point out peoples sins to them, That is the job of the Church proper, and the Holy Spirit in particular. It is my job as a fellow follower of Jesus to, as Greg Boyd says, "shut up and love them".
